On Hate

hate is an active process, a conscious — or unconscious — expenditure of energy. it is the act of ruminating, of wishing harm, of allowing one’s thoughts to be consumed by intense hostility. it is this active nature that makes it uniquely draining and dangerous. unlike hate, dislike is passive; it is a preference or a judgment.

i do not use the word ‘hate’ lightly, reserving it for a specific emotional process, distinct from mere dislike or aversion. however, this article is not about the “hate” for abstract concepts like injustice or cruelty, which can be a motivating force for good. it is about interpersonal hate — the active, sustained hostility directed from one person to another.

Hate is too great a burden to bear. It injures the hater more than it injures the hated.
— Coretta Scott King

i imagine King’s description of hate as a literal description of the cost of carrying such a burden, not just a metaphorical one. interpersonal hate exacts this toll on the hater in several ways:

• it consumes cognitive resources.
  the energy spent on hate is energy not spent on self-improvement or living a fulfilling life. it distracts from productive thoughts and actions.
• it clouds judgment.
  hate narrows perspective, making one reactive and incapable of objective thought. it demands that new information be filtered through the lens of hostility.
• it prevents positive emotions.
  it is difficult, if not impossible, to simultaneously harbor hate and cultivate peace, joy, or genuine connection. the former consumes the emotional capacity for the latter.

if i find myself feeling this active interpersonal hate, i take it as a critical signal that i should reevaluate my own state. it is an indication that i have made a choice — conscious or not — to allocate my finite energy toward a self-destructive process. my life is too short to bear that cost.