I truly believe mental fatigue (illness included, duh) is real, I also know that it is curable as long as the person wanted to be cured, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. But, I’d never doubt anyone that actually suffers from these things, especially when they come and personally ask their friends for help.
Though saying all that, the thought still comes across my mind once in a while, “is it really that bad?”, “can you really suffer so much just from this?”, or “how hard can it be to pick yourself up?”. Then, some things happen and reminded me of this quote.
You will never truly know some things unless you’ve experienced it for yourself.
That is what I really felt this time, a couple of days earlier. I have never in my life ever thought of any of “those” things, until now. Last month was perhaps one of the worst weeks / days of my life (so far). I truly can’t think straight at the time, my mind is going places, and a lot of things came into my mind to the point that I’ve thought of doing those things.
It was a burnout. I was mentally exhausted and emotionally drained, I felt numb, and nothing seems to matter anymore. I train my body everyday, be physically strong, and none of it would matter, my mind is still weak and it affects everything I do too.
You’re only as strong as your weakest point
What is it that is so bad that I decided to make a post about it? Well, it’s really just the usual stuff that happens in your life once in a while, sprinkled with some crazy events that coincidentally happens at the same time as when you’re dealing with your current problems. Point being, I won’t tell you exactly what happens because it won’t matter to you at all, but it does exists and you can’t deny it, it just happens that this is the cause for me personally.
All the things that happens to me might seem insignificant or exaggerated for some of you reading this (this is also why I don’t specifically point out what it is), but this is exactly how I felt too before I actually experienced for myself. Just like everything about us humans, we each have our ways to confront and resolve our problems, while also keeping in mind that each of us have different physical and mental capacities.
Knowing that, you can’t really judge how others react to the same problems as you do. You might be able to grief for only a couple of days and some might take months or years to do the same. The same goes for everything we do and experience in life too.
To be honest, I didn’t even think I could make it through that last week of October. It was truly a nightmare and I might suffer from PTSD just by thinking back to those days, but I did it, I actually live through it and I’ve gained experience from it. Let me share how I managed through all of it.
I could ramble on about how everything needs time and practice to actually be able to live through it, but really, the thing that did it for me is to just not care anymore. It sounds simple, but let me break it down and elaborate it.
I consider myself as a perfectionist, and most of my friends can vouch for this. When I said to not care anymore, I meant it as leave this be. Do what you can do and pay no attention to your original nature. At the time, all that comes to my mind was only this and that is it.
I just need to work on this as requested, no more no less, as long as I finish it.
No really, that was mostly it. On most occasions, that would be more than enough. The human mind is amazing, when you focus and really put your all into it, you can virtually accomplish anything. But, on certain days like this, I needed a little bit more boost, I have to trade off something, and that is my sanity… by not sleeping. So, more like my sleep? Yes, you could say I’m compensating for my mental energy by not sleeping to finish my work one at a time.
One last thing was find something to accompany yourself, preferably something that could make you laugh because a good laugh really is the best cure to recharge your mental energy. Nichijou was the one that helps me brighten up my mood and lets me escape reality for a short time, I highly recommend you to check it out, also take a look at my October 2020 Monthly Digest if you haven’t already.
Looking back again, this is more or less what life is really all about is it. You live through your days, you suffer through some of it, and you gain experience through it too. All of this is essential for us to grow as a person, as a human. You really need knowledge to fully grow, and some of them requires you to experience it first-hand.
Or so they say! Yeah, experience is essential, but this kind is way out of hand. I’ve made a promise for myself that I would never let my children experience any of this, I would make sure they would never have to go through all the horrible things I’ve went through right now. That’s it from me, thanks for reading this far and thanks for sticking by.