Prologue to the Beginning of the End

this was meant to be published a month earlier — on the 19th of September, to be exact. something significant happened that day, or at least, i’d like to think so.

for reasons i can’t quite remember now, i delayed it. in hindsight, that delay turned out to be a good thing. so much happened within that short span that it changed the entire tone of this piece — what was once a dark reflection has softened into something else entirely.

four years of peer pressure

you probably already know what i’m referring to. those four years weren’t exactly the best, nor the worst, but they were heavy. there were moments when i questioned everything, from “why i was there”, “what was the point of it all”, and “whether i was slowly losing my mind”. much of what was required felt meaningless. even now, i struggle to see the merit behind them.

still, it wasn’t all for nothing. i gained skills and experiences that wouldn’t have been accessible if i hadn’t gone through this, but my sanity took quite a toll. my mental state faltered toward the end, and i found myself thinking in ways i never thought i would, which i find unsettling. well, it’s been a while since then, and i’m much better now. i don’t resent those years, and i’ve learned what not to repeat.

memento vivere

that end was a necessary catalyst. after my mental state faltered from trying to find meaning in external requirements, i realized the entire premise was wrong. the point of it all isn’t something to be found in a job or a system; it’s something to be built internally, every day.

success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.
— Winston Churchill

this is the prologue to my new beginning. it’s a chapter defined by a stubborn persistence in building a life that feels honest to me, regardless of the script. i’m deeply grateful to be where i am, not because of luck, but because i learned to stop looking for external validation and started cultivating my own.

the lesson from those four years wasn’t a platitude; i am my own measure, and i’m allowed to move at my own pace. the only comparison worth making is with who i was yesterday, and the only path worth walking is the one i build myself.

thank you for reading — and to those who know me personally, thank you for being part of my life, even in the smallest ways. be happy for this moment; it’s the only one that’s truly yours.

until next time, godspeed.